I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
