you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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