Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
