My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
