My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
