I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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