yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
