Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
