I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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