i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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