So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
