We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
