you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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