that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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