i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think my moral compass just broke
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
