I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
