I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
