i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
