I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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