her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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