My room smells like vodka and shame
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
