I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
