Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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