even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
