I looked at my own cervix.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
