the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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