that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
