every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
