I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
