This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
