Soap is not a condiment
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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