so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
