I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
