do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
