Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
