It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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