Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i think i have herpe
just one?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
