I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
