I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
