Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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