i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
