What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
pray to the hookup gods
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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