I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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