Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
