I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
