Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
