She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
