Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
