apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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