we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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