I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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