it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
