I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Your cock deserves a montage
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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