my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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