Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Blow job season was short but glorious.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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