What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
