I want to stick my p in your. b.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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