i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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