dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
