If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
