I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Let's get the cat blown out
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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