Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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