saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
