Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
