with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
