He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
