Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
