I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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