You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
