our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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