Screwed.edu
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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