I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
